Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
