Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
