Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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