Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
