fuck your aforementioned shoe
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
