Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
