It's Friday. Sex?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
