I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
BRING THE BAGELS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
