cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
