Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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