: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
