On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
