I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
