so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
