i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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