I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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