i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
