i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
