Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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