I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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