I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
