i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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