hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
