I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
