Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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