I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
