I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
