Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
