I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
