EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
