butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
