So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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