i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
