its not stalking. its research.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
