also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
