Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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