My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
