i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
