Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
