I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
