Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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