I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
