oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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