just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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