Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair