I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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