Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.