so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies