i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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