I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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