Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
