you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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