Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
