You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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