need another drink. this is the easiest way
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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