He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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