i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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