I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
