You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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