Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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