Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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