So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
