New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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