garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
