Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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