You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
FUCK WHALES
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
