so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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