This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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