is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
